Sunday, March 31, 2013

why is the blogosphere shriveling up around me? (also, my brain: a life on hiatus)

I think that my entire life has become this godawful mess of random bursts of inspiration that quickly trickle into dull flatlines where I just read other blogs and my mind regurgitates information. I don't know why. Is it me? Is it everything around me? I think it could be both, and more. 
Everything seems oddly the same. I don't know if this makes sense or not, but I feel like many of us-not necessarily just the blogosphere, but this tribe of other people on the internet who share the same spaces, like tumblr-have this seemingly set group of inspirational people and music and designers. Like, I'll go on a blog and there will be a ton of tribute posts to Courtney Love and Hole and flower crowns and such, and that'll be fine, but I'll go on another blog and then another blog and then another blog with the same focuses. While I'm not writing this in an attempt to dictate what people should like, I just feel like there is this dam blocking any incoming concepts. I also feel like I myself am horribly stuck in a rut, not only impression-wise, but writing and expression-wise. Blogging is meant to be a diary-an online journal, if you will. Blog is the short term for web blog, and I feel like I'm not stressing that enough not only to myself, but anyone who comes across this blog. I don't know how to make my natural thoughts flow enough, which makes me feel uncomfortable whenever making a post. I'm constantly on the search for that one brutally honest post of mine which will make me feel as if I can do that every time I click on that "New Post" button. 
While I feel that way writing this, I'm not sure if I will feel the same next time, even though I would really like to. My mind is on hiatus and so is the stream of creativity that flowed through me so rapidly before. I know that I've come a long way from when I first started blogging, a long way from being in sixth grade, even a long way from being in seventh. I am grateful for blogging and all of the friends that I've made from it, and everything that it has taught me. I just want a renewed sense of originality; I don't want to be a copy of everything else. I don't want fashion-and anything else for that matter-to feel dull; I want to be able to excitedly craft an outfit and then say, "Wow. How did I even think of that?" It isn't enough for me to just wear something; I need to feel it. I want someone to be able to look at what I'm wearing and say, "I get where she's coming from. I can really see what thoughts and emotions and ideas went into this."
I don't know how I will do this, and how I will be able to climb out of this abyss. Starting this blog was supposed to be a cure, and while it has helped me to escape from being as boxed in as I was with The Style Aviator (not that I don't love it; I just needed a refreshing look on blogging). I don't want to be stuck anymore. I'm even boring myself, and that needs to stop.

1 comment:

  1. yes yes yes just everything yes. I relate.